Pauline’s Notebook

Back when I was a kid, taking a holiday meant filling my backpack and going on a road trip. Some days, my family and I would drive for 800Km on the Australian highways stopping at the Big Banana, or the Big Koala, the Big Oyster or the Big Sheep. For 4 weeks every year, we’d do these road trips, seeing the landscape change and setting up camp at a caravan park.

The Australian outback was a familiar place which I have since long forgotten. The smell of the Australian native bushland, it’s distinctive acidic characteristic, the sounds of the native birds and the crackle of the dry leaves underfoot. There is the buzz of catching fish at the local river bed and having it for dinner.

This year, I plan to go back to these familiar places. I’m looking forward to these road trips. My kids are now older so I’m looking forward to holidaying with them in the outback.

On Sunday, I made a new friend. He’s only 6 years old, he doesn’t say much and he can’t see very well. He has limited mobility and is much more at home in his wheelchair. I had the opportunity to get to know J better as I looked after him during Sunday School. I found that even tho’ J cannot talk, I would eventually understand him just by his arm movements and his eye contact. By the end of my 40 minutes with J, I was close to tears. Within that short time, I felt a love for little J that was so real that it seemed as if God was wanting me to see a glimpse of His love for J. I was so blown away by my time with J. Our world is so concerned about looking up to our celebrities, those who look good and have that ‘personality’. Meeting J was re-learning how God sees the heart of even a little child.

Matthew 18:1-5. The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven

¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

⁵“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

This is an extract from a talk written for the Gracepoint FCG Womens Group. It has being broken down into 4 parts. To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part II.

The messages out there in our western culture is wrong and it’s perverted. I want my daughter to be aware of that. I want her to dress and act wisely so that she does not stumble others. I want her to learn about what the Bible means to be ‘pure’ as she turns into a woman one day. I want her to learn about the way she should see herself in the way God sees her - through biblical truths. And my prayer is that we can become women pure in heart and in our relationships.

The Wrong Understanding – from our toxic culture

Since the beginning of the industrial revolution, the western world has been using sex appeal to sell products. They use the idea that our sex appeal - the way we dress, the way we smell and walk, revealing our body shapes - will get us the admiration and attention that we crave for. A recent article tells of Lady Gaga explaining why she dresses the way she does. “It’s to provoke a response”, she says. It’s purely to gain the attention onto herself. Ask yourselves this question - why do you dress the way you dress? Why do you buy certain clothes and certain styles and styles of cuts in clothes? Why did you buy that handbag or shoes or sunnies? The world wants to sell to us the message, that we are no. 1 and we deserve the attention and admiration by how we dress. Everything we buy is to give people an impression - whether it be our handbags or shoes or clothing label. We buy Chanel because it’s the image of sophistication. We buy Donna Karan because it’s in vogue. What the world also wants us to believe is, that the way we style ourselves will keep the guy or even get the guy we like. This is the second message they want us to believe, that for women, we can gain what we privately crave for in life – to be forever loved and cherished by another just by how we look, smell and walk. Our society has being buying it for decades! This message has been slowly seeping into our advertising for years, even amongst the time of our grandmothers when they started watching TV and reading magazines. Mothers and even grandmothers have bought into this lie. They are undergoing botox and liposuction and waxing and breast implanting and wearing certain cut clothes just because they think that their body parts are what will keep their relationships or give them attention or power. It has drenched our way of life so much so that the idea has now become a fear factor for us. I’ve been personally told that women (in general), had better watch our weight and dress and look well, otherwise we’d lose our husbands to another woman! We are so immersed in this culture that we are blind to it’s polluted message and it’s sad to see mothers dressing their little girls in clothes and styles that should be for adults. The objectification of women to our body parts and the sexualisation of everything has polluted the message of healthy relationships between a man and a woman. What should be a healthy image of ourselves as women and how we should relate to guys has been abused and polluted. I‘ll give you an example of how these polluted messages start in our world-view. It was a school holiday and I decided to take the kids on a day outing to Darling Harbour. In the middle of our monorail ride, my kids started to laugh and whisper to each other. They were both staring at a poster stuck on the wall of the monorail, giggling at the picture. I looked up and there glaringly in front of me was picture of a half naked woman!! Her hands were barely covering her breasts as she seductively licked this melted chocolate off her hands. The chocolate was dripping everywhere, completely covering her naked body. My 5 y.o (at the time) first comment was, (out loud mind you) “Oooh! She’s naked! That’s naughty!!” and she began to laugh….. So begins, my kid’s first lessons from our culture about sexuality and womanhood. That a woman should not be ashamed of exposing her body. And that men and womens’ experience of joy and pleasure can come from seeing a naked woman licking on melted chocolate! Now, is that how you see yourself as a woman? I would hope that as girls become woman, that we believe we are more than just the physical sums of our bodies. By the time my daughter is your age, with the total amount of billboard ads, TV shows, video clips, movies, commercials, magazines and books all telling her that it’s OK to use her body for attention - it comes to little surprise that this is how she is to live by. And it will come to no surprise, that is how you live by. But, let me tell you the sad but also hidden outcome of all this… Statistics show that this polluted message has contributed to mental health problems, leading to eating disorders, self-harm, depression and anxiety. Studies have shown that one in 100 girls in Australia are anorexic and one in 5 is bulimic. There are lots of girls who are eating, purging and throwing up. They have obsessed themselves with their looks, spending hours on their hair and make-up. They have lost the concern for real intimacy and connection with their mums and dads, friends and to the opposite sex. Boys too, growing into men, through the same polluted media messages and video games are corrupted. They no longer see girls as whole women deserving of respect. It affects their relationships. They don’t know how to relate to girls as friends anymore and everything is overlaid with overt-sexualised messaging. This is why Paul tells us in Romans 1:24 … Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. The sad reality is that we are crippling ourselves because we worship created things. We worship ourselves and we worship relationships that are broken and never perfect – no wonder we get devastated when we don’t get that guy or we break up. Its the end of the world because we’ve put all our trust in what is created and this leads to depression and all sorts of other problems! We have so immersed ourselves in the lies of this world that we can not see sex for what it is anymore – a created thing, a good thing created for our lifelong partner - but still a created thing. And we are worshiping it rather than worship our Creator Himself.

To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part II.

This is an extract from a talk written for the Gracepoint FCG Womens Group. It has being broken down into 4 parts. To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part III.

The Right Understanding

Worshiping our Creator, by putting our hope and trust in His Word is the first step in living rightly. We need to understand that our Creator is infinitely supreme and nothing compares to His glory, honour and praise! And because He is supreme and all loving, then what He demands of us, is for our greatest joy and delight. He knows whats best for us. Do you trust and believe that your Father in Heaven is supreme and that what he demands of us will be for our joy and delight? Or do you think its more important to trust in what you think is best for yourselves? The mistake is that we say with our lips that Jesus is our Lord and Saviour – but surely it doesn’t hurt to be a bit like the world, to dress for attention and power. Surely, it doesn’t hurt to behave and talk like others - to make snide comments about others – otherwise they’d walk all over us. It doesn’t hurt to be sarcastic because thats what the Aussie culture does. When we do this, we are really saying to God that He isn’t supreme and that what He demands of us in Scriptures are not worthy to follow. So when we dress a certain way, or act a certain way towards the opposite sex, we are saying to Him that our body parts gives us worth and value. Scripture, in contrast to the world’s message will tell you that you are worth more than your body. Your true value is worth more than how you look. In fact, you are worth so much that God gave His Son, Jesus Christ to die on your behalf. Romans 5:6-8 explains it like this…You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly (thats you and me). 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners (while we were self-obsessed with ourselves, and in our quest for relationships), Christ died for us…. Christ died for you and He has risen, to give you a new life. And in so doing, allows you to find your greatest joy and delight in Him alone and in living in the way He demands of you. Even if you have fallen into sexual sins, you will be forgiven if you turn back to God and acknowledge that what you have been doing is wrong and that you have been exchanging the truth for a lie. Ask for forgiveness and He will forgive you (Acts 10:43; Romans 4:7; Heb 8:12; 1 Jn 1:9). Even as forgiven people, the sexual impurities are inherently in us, the Bible assumes that. It’s part of our DNA, just as much as anger or jealousy is a part of our DNA. But as we have being crucified with Jesus and given a new life in Jesus, we can control it and be pure. Gal 5:23 tells us that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit; 1 Thess 5:8 tells us that since we belong to the day let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. God wired it into us as believers. We can train ourselves through regulating what we feed into our brains. If we feed our brains with pornography and fringe sexual practices on TV, we will become more and more dependent on them and will respond less and less to being pure in our relationships. If in contrast, we fill our minds with fun and exciting things, communicating with our family and friends with purity, then we will become more attractive and they will take pleasure in being with us and us with them. Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 tells us of such free and liberated women and how they behave in purity. She is enterprising, and uses the gifts that God gives her in a worthy manner. She complements her husband (and men in general), by utilising and recognising the different roles that they have between men and women, yet also knowing they are equal in God’s sight. A woman is admired when she is pure in heart (that is, not self seeking or doing things for self gain). She is hard working, takes care of those in need, doesn’t give in to idleness or idle talk and loves her family. Above all, she glorifies God and fears Him. You can be an attractive woman, graced with dignity and admired because your graciousness, your compassion, your patience, gentleness, humility and love towards others Col 3:12-14. This is not to say that we don’t care about our outward appearance but rather our inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:4). Whether you are single or in a relationship, these things are to be what we strive for in all our relationships because God is supreme and demands it from us. He does this for our benefit, for us to truly experience ultimate joy and delight in living His way.

To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part III.

This is an extract from a talk written for the Gracepoint FCG Womens Group. It has being broken down into 4 parts. To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part IV.

Recognizing the toxicity in us and stopping it on it’s tracks.

Here are some practical ways to recognize the pollution of our culture and to stop it on it’s tracks. First, we need to recognize that some of the clothes we buy are harmful, not just to ourselves but also to the guys around us. Here is a principle you can apply based on 1 Cor 6:12 passage that says all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial. So, is it wrong to wear bikini tops? Well, no… but if we are wearing it because we want to get a reaction from others, then yes, it is wrong. Then, you say you aren’t doing it out of vain conceit…. Is it then wrong to wear bikini tops? Well, no… but it may be a stumbling block to the guys around you as they have being perverted by the toxic messages of our culture and will get the wrong message from you if you wear it. So, then the answer to the same question could then be yes, it is wrong to wear singlet tops - if it causes the guys to stumble 1 Cor 10:32; 1 Cor 6:12. Recognise the brands that sexualise their clothes and stay away from them. Cotton On has sexual slogans on t-shirts. Girlfriend and Cosmopolitan magazines are lifestyle bibles for girls and women, yet they depicts very demeaning messages to them. Recognizing and avoiding clothing lines, magazines and books is the first step. When communicating to the opposite sex, be aware when your texting becomes sexting. If you are in a relationship, be aware that the pressure you might get from your boyfriend (to look good and to engage in sexual practices) is also because they themselves have been bombarded with the same unhealthy sexual messages you have had! One way to stop yourselves from going down that road is to ask an older male to hold your boyfriend accountable. This older guy can regularly ask your boyfriend those hard questions. Likewise, do the same for yourself with an older female. In this day and age, even parents will let you and your boyfriend travel on holidays together. This to me spells BIG trouble! Don’t even contemplate it even if others around you say it’s OK. When you go out with your boyfriend like to a movie, make sure you tell another person to call you when you know the movie is over and when you should be due home. Better still, tell your parent or a friend to expect you to be home at a certain time so to avoid making out in the car. It’s about making yourself accountable to trusted people to preserve those sexual desires to be saved for the one you love – your lifelong partner. If you realise you love your boyfriend and he’s a godly guy, then get married quick because those sexual urges will get stronger! Now you may think that it’s getting overboard to get someone to call you when a movie is over. But the mistake is that you think you are strong enough to overcome your sinful nature…. and you aren’t. The reality is that all of us will struggle with our sensual desires which can easily overcome our dedication to Christ. So be honest with yourself and be honest with your friends.

To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part IV.

This is an extract from a talk written for the Gracepoint FCG Womens Group. It has being broken down into 4 parts. To read from the beginning of the talk, click on the link to part I.

Developing the purity of relationships in the best possible way.

This is how you can develop purity in your relationships in the best possible way. Fill you time understanding and working on your graciousness, your compassion, your patience, gentleness and humility towards others. What does it mean to be gentle at home? What does it mean to be gracious? Who do you need to be patient with now? Who can you extend your compassion to this week? Work at how to show unconditional love towards your brother, your sister, your mum and dad as well as to your friends or work colleagues. Learn to relate healthily with the guys at church using these qualities rather then on how you look. For those already in a relationship, keep working on the romance and the love affections. Fill your time with your boyfriend doing fun and exciting things both of you enjoy. If its sport then do all those outdoor activities. For others, its going for long walks. In others, its the pleasure of cooking up a meal together or eating out and trying out new foods. Fill your time communicating with him and renewing your minds together by praying and reading the bible. Pray for this constantly between the two of you – that…. whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. (Philippians 4:8).

Conclusion

I know the pressure is there…Let me share with you what someone recently shared with me. She says…I honestly find it getting harder being a single 23 year old who wants so much to follow Jesus and be a servant for His kingdom, and yet have all my girlish desires. To want to be loved and cherished by another, to want to have children to dote on etc etc. I wonder what God has in store for me, a companion to walk with me through life, together into deeper love for Jesus…? This is such a faith journey for me, and sometimes, I admit the social pressures I get from this world shakes me a little. Its easier to settle for less, than to wait for something more… I’ll say it again… its easier to settle for less, than to wait for something more. So, I pray that as the world continues to shake you, resist the urge to settle for less. Jesus did not die for you to settle for less. He has already given you the best of Himself – his life. And He will give you even more as you trust in him and follow Him faithfully.

Prayer:

Our Heavenly Father, as your children, help us to be aware of and say no to sexual immorality in the way we dress, what we read or watch and the way we act towards the opposite sex. Help us to know and believe that You alone are enough for us and is our greatest delight and joy. Help us to replace our precious time filling our minds with things above and loving our family and our friends, building on the good things that lasts. For those in a relationship, help us to especially replace our precious time together building on the good things that lasts. Amen.

I have been reflecting on how we have lasted for over more than a decade of serving in ministry at Gracepoint. It’s certainly nothing compared to those who have faithfully served in other churches for over 20 years and more. However, I have learned a few things and here are some personal thoughts.

1. My reward is in heaven. Ministering to people is a slow process. It takes years to build relationships and hours of time, effort and prayers. When I am weak, I have to remind myself that I should not expect to be rewarded in monetary ways or through words of affirmation. The people I invest in will grow and go onto further ministries within and even beyond our local church. Others will move on, a little bitter and twisted about our church. But as long as I remain faithful and humble, my reward is in heaven. It does not need to be seen by men for only God needs to know.

2.  I am but a stroke of paint in God’s great masterpiece. Sometimes, I like to think that my way is the best way, but I shouldn’t. It’s sinful. It makes me proud, unteachable and unbending. We are all part of God’s community bought by the blood of the Lamb. We are all part of God’s great masterpiece. As I serve, may I continue to diminish more and more and Christ be exalted evermore.

3. Be loving and gentle but firm. Church discipline is a must if we truly love them and want to present them perfect in Christ. Church discipline however, is a problem in this day and age. How do you exert proper restorative pastoral discipline in a situation where somebody can just get in their car and drive to the next town if they don’t like the church? There is an anti-discipline consumerist mentality in the church that is facilitated by the ease of transport - Carl Trueman.

4. Stick to the gospel. Like some Christian bookstores these days, there is a temptation for the church to provide people with help on improving their marriage, life goals or whatever. One would hope that our Christianity does have an impact in all areas of our life. But we must remember that ultimately the gospel is the declaration of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s not a pragmatic thing;  it’s a declaration of a state of affairs - Carl Trueman.

My motto, as a parent was to let my children ‘enjoy’ life, to offer them many things in life so they can delight in what God has made in this world. Sounds good, sounds godly - but I was wrong. First, let me introduce you to my son and how I’ve raised him so far. He has (out of his own pleasure) done the occasional guitar, swimming and skateboarding lessons. He’s done many things with his dad and as a family that gives him pleasure - toys, fishing, holidaying, etc. Even his schoolwork has never being too demanding and he’s always ‘enjoyed’ doing his homework.

This year, my son has found that his school work as increased by two-fold and we’ve both being left mentally exhausted by the middle of the week. My son was then resistant to doing his homework and preferred to do his origami or lego. I (as his responsible parent) have being quite stressed at trying to push him to do the bare minimum. Daily tensions have grown and tears have flowed. Life as it seemed was not ‘enjoyable’ anymore to either of us. So, for the first time in my child’s life, he’s experiencing that life is not all about doing what he takes pleasure in. Life is not all about enjoying what God has created for him to enjoy. And I realise now that I was wrong in teaching that to his early stages of life. In fact, I was teaching him to be hedonistic! Reading ‘Desiring God’ by John Piper has reminded me that life is about enjoying God himself and not His creation. Sure, there is nothing wrong in enjoying what He has created, but it’s whether we put those things above our delight in God Himself!

Postscript:

Last night, after another stressful situation regarding his homework, I had a discussion with him. What does he want to do with his homework? Does he want me to keep him accountable or leave him alone to do whatever takes his pleasure (eg, origami and lego)? He thought about it for a while. He’s decided that he needed to buckle down and do his homework without complaining. He then asked me to keep on helping him and holding him accountable to finishing his homework each week. I am thankful for his response, but I know it’s just the first step. He may not fully understand why he has to do things which are not enjoyable to him, but my prayer is that he will one day give thanks to our Lord Jesus in all circumstances. I too, need to learn this lifelong lesson. It reminds me of Saint Paul’s exhortations to the faithful believers at Thessalonica, that while we are on this earth, waiting for His return, we need to, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Amen.

Much of what we say, think or do are really to boost our own ego. When we think, we dream of what we want, of what we do not have. When we talk, we are either trying to prove ourselves or we are subtly putting others down in order to prove ourselves better.

I ask myself the question of why we seem to always compare ourselves to others and put people down. Maybe we are craving for what others have and when we don’t have what they have, we then look for the things they are ‘deficient’ in, just so we can have the ammunition to shoot them down ‘just a little’. Maybe it is because we think we are better than others full stop.

The bible is very clear that we do gossip and slander people (2 Tim 3:1-5). But do we really gossip? Do we go around saying “Hey, guess what I heard…?” No, we are crafty people, we would never go around as blatantly as that. But this is how we do it, in our little innuendos. It’s the two or three little words we attach to the end of a conversation that slanders people. It’s when we say things as a response to someone with an “Oh really? I didn’t think she…”.

Much of what we say, think or do are really to boost our own ego. Yet, when we look at ourselves in the light of the cross, we can see that the only thing we put in towards the saving work of Jesus Christ, is our sins. We have nothing to be proud of. We have put nothing into our lives that can give it credit and we have nothing new to give. Even now, as professed Christians, much of what we do or think or say is about nothing - unless we talk about the saving work of Jesus our Lord and Saviour and who He is. Amen.

You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink. From the beginning of the dawn of time, young people have always taken incredible offence when it comes to receiving advice. I have often heard one say (and I sometimes think it myself), “You can give me advice, but I will make the decision for myself - you can’t make me.”. Well, that is very true, one cannot determine another person’s life or death - only God can. I still consider myself young and I still get advice from well meaning people. As a faithful believer in my youth, what does God say about taking advice?

Why should we take advice from others and embrace it?

1. Because Scripture reminds us that the young are prone to evil desires. Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim 2:22). Let’s face it. We are young and we are proud. We do not like taking advice and we look down on others most of the time. Admit we often have evil desires, repent from it and be humbled.

2. Because Scripture distinguishes those that are to train, and those that should learn. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6). A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher (Luke 6:40). Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:4). If I profess to be young, then Scripture says I am to learn. So, I should adopt the attitude of learning.

3. Because God commands it. Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding (Proverbs 4:1) and also Proverbs 6:20.

4. It will result in us understanding the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God (Proverbs 2). This to me is the ultimate aim for receiving advice. I encourage you to read the whole of Proverbs yourself.

What should be our attitude when getting advice from others?

1. Yearn for it and seek it with gusto! Proverbs 2 tells us to ‘Turn your ear to wisdom’, ‘call out for insight’ and ‘cry aloud for understanding’.

2. Put it into action. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding (Proverbs 15:32)

3. Do not despise it, but cherish it. He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers (Proverbs 19:8)

But what if the advice is ungodly?

There are two ways to look at it. Either, the advice is infact godly and comes from God, or it is ungodly advice and of the world.

1. First determine if it is your pride telling you that it is not good advice. Are you sinfully judging that person? (Matt 7:1-5). It is very easy, in our youth, to think that the person giving advice or the advice itself is not of any value. Be humbled and take it fully in, examining yourself first rather than quickly fobbing off the person/advice. Once, you have fully examined yourself, then give the advice the litmus test against Scripture.

2. Study the Scriptures. If we are not too quick fobbing off the advice, we are the opposite, we too often go to our friends for advice before seeking God’s counsel first. This can be a danger when all our Christian values are actually formed from man’s sinfulness. We do not realise that this is one of Satan’s schemes. The only way to determine if it is godly advice, is to ask God himself, through prayer and through our daily studies of His Scriptures.