Pauline’s Notebook

This is an extract from a talk written for the Gracepoint Parents Group. It has being broken down into 4 parts. To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part III.

How we can Love

And this is how we can show love to them. Col 3:12-14 says. Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them altogether in perfect unity.

(i) Love through our virtues

Do you exhibit these virtues when you relate to your in-laws? Are you patient, kind and gentle to them? Or do you fester quietly inside and later rant and rave to your husbands afterwards? Love is not about being nice but rather loving those who can be overbearingly hard to love. When your in-law criticizes you about how poorly you feed your child, respond with gentleness. When your in-law openly expresses his/her expectations to you about your role as a wife or mother, respond with kindness and humility. When your in-law disciplines your child without your consent, respond with patience. We do this because we are God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.

(ii) Love before Sacrifice

The irony is that many of us are quite involved in church ministry. We spend time and effort being involved in small group ministries, or music ministry or 1-1 discipleship. Yet in private, do we work at loving those closest to us? We harbor our grievances about our in-laws in private and then we air our gifts in public. How do we know we are a child of God? By our services to Him? No! Jesus says in John 13:35, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” If you are having conflicts, Jesus says in Matthew 5:24…First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

(iv) Love through our actions

For some of us there are no conflicts because we hardly see our in-laws due to other reasons like language barrier or distance. To love someone does not mean we need to communicate in any deep level. ‘The Five Love Languages’, says that expressing love doesn’t need to be said but rather shown in our actions like regularly visiting them or helping them through acts of service. For the past 5 years, every Friday my in-laws would spend the whole day together. I don’t have to join them – they are, after all only my in-laws and not my immediate family. Eugene isn’t there either, he’s still working. But, I allocate most Fridays with them. I know that it speaks loudly that I care about them if I spend time with them. Some afternoons, I will visit my MIL 1-1 just to see how she’s going with no real agenda - I just hang with her. Those years of giving them my time speaks the language of love to them. If distance is an issue, then weekly phone calls and regular updates on emails show them that you are thinking of them and love them.

To continue reading the rest of the talk, click on the link to part III.