Pauline’s Notebook

I have been reflecting on how we have lasted for over more than a decade of serving in ministry at Gracepoint. It’s certainly nothing compared to those who have faithfully served in other churches for over 20 years and more. However, I have learned a few things and here are some personal thoughts.

1. My reward is in heaven. Ministering to people is a slow process. It takes years to build relationships and hours of time, effort and prayers. When I am weak, I have to remind myself that I should not expect to be rewarded in monetary ways or through words of affirmation. The people I invest in will grow and go onto further ministries within and even beyond our local church. Others will move on, a little bitter and twisted about our church. But as long as I remain faithful and humble, my reward is in heaven. It does not need to be seen by men for only God needs to know.

2.  I am but a stroke of paint in God’s great masterpiece. Sometimes, I like to think that my way is the best way, but I shouldn’t. It’s sinful. It makes me proud, unteachable and unbending. We are all part of God’s community bought by the blood of the Lamb. We are all part of God’s great masterpiece. As I serve, may I continue to diminish more and more and Christ be exalted evermore.

3. Be loving and gentle but firm. Church discipline is a must if we truly love them and want to present them perfect in Christ. Church discipline however, is a problem in this day and age. How do you exert proper restorative pastoral discipline in a situation where somebody can just get in their car and drive to the next town if they don’t like the church? There is an anti-discipline consumerist mentality in the church that is facilitated by the ease of transport - Carl Trueman.

4. Stick to the gospel. Like some Christian bookstores these days, there is a temptation for the church to provide people with help on improving their marriage, life goals or whatever. One would hope that our Christianity does have an impact in all areas of our life. But we must remember that ultimately the gospel is the declaration of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s not a pragmatic thing;  it’s a declaration of a state of affairs - Carl Trueman.

Our primary school kids were doing a lesson on anger (Matthew 5:21, 22) when Tahlia, (a little pre-schooler) came in and joined in on our discussion…

Tahlia: I get angry with xxx (I forgot his name but I believe it’s her cousin). When he takes things from me I SCREAM!

Me: Well, you can stop your anger by walking away and praying to Jesus. Ask Him to help you not be angry. It will work.

Tahlia: Jesus! I can’t see Jesus. I don’t  know him.

Me: You are right. You can’t see him, but if you believe in Him, he lives in you, in your heart (I point to her heart).

Tahlia: HUH? (well, that was her facial expression anyway)

Me: You see, you can’t love people on your own. You just can’t. But Jesus can give you that love. And if you love xxx (Tahlia’s cousin) and show love to him, then you know that Jesus is real and living in you… because it’s His love!

Tahlia: Ohhh!

I thought it was a wonderful conversation and to me that why I love teaching Sunday School! It’s bringing out God’s truth to little ones.

My motto, as a parent was to let my children ‘enjoy’ life, to offer them many things in life so they can delight in what God has made in this world. Sounds good, sounds godly - but I was wrong. First, let me introduce you to my son and how I’ve raised him so far. He has (out of his own pleasure) done the occasional guitar, swimming and skateboarding lessons. He’s done many things with his dad and as a family that gives him pleasure - toys, fishing, holidaying, etc. Even his schoolwork has never being too demanding and he’s always ‘enjoyed’ doing his homework.

This year, my son has found that his school work as increased by two-fold and we’ve both being left mentally exhausted by the middle of the week. My son was then resistant to doing his homework and preferred to do his origami or lego. I (as his responsible parent) have being quite stressed at trying to push him to do the bare minimum. Daily tensions have grown and tears have flowed. Life as it seemed was not ‘enjoyable’ anymore to either of us. So, for the first time in my child’s life, he’s experiencing that life is not all about doing what he takes pleasure in. Life is not all about enjoying what God has created for him to enjoy. And I realise now that I was wrong in teaching that to his early stages of life. In fact, I was teaching him to be hedonistic! Reading ‘Desiring God’ by John Piper has reminded me that life is about enjoying God himself and not His creation. Sure, there is nothing wrong in enjoying what He has created, but it’s whether we put those things above our delight in God Himself!

Postscript:

Last night, after another stressful situation regarding his homework, I had a discussion with him. What does he want to do with his homework? Does he want me to keep him accountable or leave him alone to do whatever takes his pleasure (eg, origami and lego)? He thought about it for a while. He’s decided that he needed to buckle down and do his homework without complaining. He then asked me to keep on helping him and holding him accountable to finishing his homework each week. I am thankful for his response, but I know it’s just the first step. He may not fully understand why he has to do things which are not enjoyable to him, but my prayer is that he will one day give thanks to our Lord Jesus in all circumstances. I too, need to learn this lifelong lesson. It reminds me of Saint Paul’s exhortations to the faithful believers at Thessalonica, that while we are on this earth, waiting for His return, we need to, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Amen.

Much of what we say, think or do are really to boost our own ego. When we think, we dream of what we want, of what we do not have. When we talk, we are either trying to prove ourselves or we are subtly putting others down in order to prove ourselves better.

I ask myself the question of why we seem to always compare ourselves to others and put people down. Maybe we are craving for what others have and when we don’t have what they have, we then look for the things they are ‘deficient’ in, just so we can have the ammunition to shoot them down ‘just a little’. Maybe it is because we think we are better than others full stop.

The bible is very clear that we do gossip and slander people (2 Tim 3:1-5). But do we really gossip? Do we go around saying “Hey, guess what I heard…?” No, we are crafty people, we would never go around as blatantly as that. But this is how we do it, in our little innuendos. It’s the two or three little words we attach to the end of a conversation that slanders people. It’s when we say things as a response to someone with an “Oh really? I didn’t think she…”.

Much of what we say, think or do are really to boost our own ego. Yet, when we look at ourselves in the light of the cross, we can see that the only thing we put in towards the saving work of Jesus Christ, is our sins. We have nothing to be proud of. We have put nothing into our lives that can give it credit and we have nothing new to give. Even now, as professed Christians, much of what we do or think or say is about nothing - unless we talk about the saving work of Jesus our Lord and Saviour and who He is. Amen.

You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink. From the beginning of the dawn of time, young people have always taken incredible offence when it comes to receiving advice. I have often heard one say (and I sometimes think it myself), “You can give me advice, but I will make the decision for myself - you can’t make me.”. Well, that is very true, one cannot determine another person’s life or death - only God can. I still consider myself young and I still get advice from well meaning people. As a faithful believer in my youth, what does God say about taking advice?

Why should we take advice from others and embrace it?

1. Because Scripture reminds us that the young are prone to evil desires. Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim 2:22). Let’s face it. We are young and we are proud. We do not like taking advice and we look down on others most of the time. Admit we often have evil desires, repent from it and be humbled.

2. Because Scripture distinguishes those that are to train, and those that should learn. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6). A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher (Luke 6:40). Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children (Titus 2:4). If I profess to be young, then Scripture says I am to learn. So, I should adopt the attitude of learning.

3. Because God commands it. Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding (Proverbs 4:1) and also Proverbs 6:20.

4. It will result in us understanding the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God (Proverbs 2). This to me is the ultimate aim for receiving advice. I encourage you to read the whole of Proverbs yourself.

What should be our attitude when getting advice from others?

1. Yearn for it and seek it with gusto! Proverbs 2 tells us to ‘Turn your ear to wisdom’, ‘call out for insight’ and ‘cry aloud for understanding’.

2. Put it into action. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding (Proverbs 15:32)

3. Do not despise it, but cherish it. He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers (Proverbs 19:8)

But what if the advice is ungodly?

There are two ways to look at it. Either, the advice is infact godly and comes from God, or it is ungodly advice and of the world.

1. First determine if it is your pride telling you that it is not good advice. Are you sinfully judging that person? (Matt 7:1-5). It is very easy, in our youth, to think that the person giving advice or the advice itself is not of any value. Be humbled and take it fully in, examining yourself first rather than quickly fobbing off the person/advice. Once, you have fully examined yourself, then give the advice the litmus test against Scripture.

2. Study the Scriptures. If we are not too quick fobbing off the advice, we are the opposite, we too often go to our friends for advice before seeking God’s counsel first. This can be a danger when all our Christian values are actually formed from man’s sinfulness. We do not realise that this is one of Satan’s schemes. The only way to determine if it is godly advice, is to ask God himself, through prayer and through our daily studies of His Scriptures.

I couldn’t believe how much I was adversely affected by a household appliance that didn’t do it’s job - it bugged me and depressed me to no end - because it just didn’t do it’s job. It was my vacuum cleaner. I had waited for many years accumulating enough frequent flyer points to redeem this vacuum cleaner. Eventually, I had collected enough points and when I got my vacuum cleaner, I was NOT disappointed!! It has great suction and did it’s job well. After a few years of continual use, I recently found my vacuum cleaner was losing it’s suction. Vacuuming then became a pointless chore because I knew it wasn’t really cleaning my carpet anymore. It really depressed me - until my clear headed husband told me that the company who supplies this model would service it for me for a little charge. Now, that my vacuum cleaner is serviced, its like it has a new life and I enjoy vacuuming again - not because I love vacuuming per se, but because it blesses me with more things than I realized.

In the midst of my renewed zeal for vacuuming, I realised that housework is indeed a real blessing (if the appliance does it’s job). Housework or household chores are a blessing because it allows me to ponder and meditate on God’s Word and on Heavenly things as I do my work. No other job will allow me to do that, so I thank God for housework. I thank God that it is a role (though often described as mundane), has it’s godly purpose. Housework enables me to keep my house in order. It also allows my husband and children to take pleasure in their environment no matter what they are doing in the home. And above all, it is a job that actually rewards me by allowing me to spend time with God at the same time!!

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thess 5:18

“.. do all to the glory of God.” 1 Cor 10:31

“… then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. ” Matt 13:43

Written by Celz

As I hold a sleeping Emma in my arms, I reflect on the past 10 weeks as a new mother. It has been a huge rollercoaster of emotions- joy, contentment, frustration, peace.. just to name a few. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.. essays and exams seem like a breeze compared to motherhood!!

Some days have been so difficult- days (and nights) where I just sit and cry as I hold my crying baby because I’m just too tired to continue trying to settle her. During these times, I ask God to take this hardship away, I ask Him to please please settle her, please give me some rest, please help her feel better. Of course all of these things eventually happen by God’s grace! But they don’t happen straight away when I want them to.. she might not settle til hours after I’ve begun praying that prayer and often I endure hours of endless crying, breastfeeding and exhaustion. Yet I trust that God continues to be faithful in answering my prayers- not in the way I expect and hope for.. but in the way He thinks is good for me.

I feel God has been teaching me this lesson over the past 10 weeks- that what He gives me may not be what I ask for but it is the best thing for me. For the past 10 weeks, He hasn’t given me the perfect baby who sleeps, eats and is happy all the time.. instead He’s given me tough times, sleepless nights and an unwell baby! Why am I thankful for this? Because He’s also moulded me to become more dependent on Him, more trusting of Him and more understanding of how hard it must’ve been for Him to send His only Son to the cross for me. I’ve never been as reliant on God as I am now, I’ve never felt so helpless and overwhelmed.

What good things has He given me? He’s made me more like His Son Jesus.. what more could I want than this?

My favourite Christian artist, Sara Groves writes two songs that contain lyrics that express this. I love Sara’s songs because she writes songs that say it as it is with such honesty. She isn’t afraid to tell the world how she deals with her struggles and often they echo my own and speak right into my heart.

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

(From: Less like scars- from the album “All right here”- Sara Groves)

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

(From: What I thought I wanted- from the album “The other side of something” - Sara Groves)

I’ll end this post with Sara’s final line from that last song…

“I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful”

¹But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ²People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— ⁵having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. 2 Tim 3:1-5

Challenge #1 for today: Do some of these characteristics define you right now? Should people have nothing to do with you?

¹In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: ²Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. ³For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. ⁴They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. ⁵But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. 2 Tim 4:1-5

Challenge #2 for today: Do some of the noble characteristics above define you right now? What are people learning from you?

A few mums have been asking me what resources we use for our kids at home. So, I thought I might has well put it down here and give them this link every time someone else asks me! LOL!

It’s by no means exhaustive… just a compilation of some of the resources we have at home which we’ve used with our own kids. I warmly welcome others to add to this list! And feel free to borrow ours as well!

I’ll keep adding to this list as our children get older. A lot of these resources are largely due to the ministering of older godly parents whom we have met (actually from other dads to Euge). For their suggestions and role modelling, we give thanks and praise to God!

Aged Newborn to 24 months

I don’t know about your child, but mine couldn’t read at this stage. So, I spent most of my time reading out loud my devotions to them. They get to hear my voice (plus who knows how the Holy Spirit works in them). I would often sing my favourite hymns and spiritual songs to them. I also used the board books like God made…series (when they could sit up and were learning to turn pages). Even though they are bubs, it’s good to get into the daily pattern of expressing the glory of God to them!

For the Love of God by D. A. Carson

God Made… series (board book)

Toddler/Pre-School (aged 2 to 5)

I bought a lot of second-hand/old seasons’ Sunday School resource materials and kinda did a Sunday School lesson with them! I remember once, making paper scrolls to show them how the Bible was written in the OT days and we’d do lots of role playing, eg. Moses standing on Mount Sinai (chair) reading the Ten Commandments! God was always in our daily conversation as our Creator. I also used a lot of Sunday School materials like the Easter eggs to explain the death and resurrection of Jesus. So basically, objects lessons, role playing of Scripture stories, reading nicely illustrated childrens’ books about God, Jesus and bible stories were a big part of this stage of life for my kids.
Creation Globe by FaithKidz
Resurrection Eggs by FamilyLife
The Eager Bible
Read Aloud Bible Stories
The Beginner’s Bible
Hey, Thats Not What the Bible Says
Little Blessings Series : Elena Kucharik illustrated books

Primary School Stage 1 (aged 5+ to 8 )

I still use all the books above but this time the kids are able to read it for themselves. My younger one is currently enjoying ‘Little blessings: Prayers for Little Hands’ and each night she gets to lead us in prayer. We’ve also introduced them to well-known Christians from the past who’ve made a difference for the gospel - people like Jim Elliot and William Tyndale. From the TorchLighters Heroes of Faith Series (dvd’s), after watching Jim Elliot give up his life for the gospel, our kids have asked a million and one questions as to the Why’s and How’s. It’s led us to teaching them the centrality of Jesus, of Scripture and of the importance of telling people the good news of Jesus. My older child, who is now able to read and write quite well, has started on his own devotions using the ‘Real Life Encounters with God with 365 Q & A’. He uses the NIrV and has learned to use the index to find books of the bible and can now understand how the chapters and verses work.
NIrV Bible
Real Life Encounters with God by Tyndale House Publishing
Pilgrims Progress Children’s Edition by Moody Press
LightKeepers Series by Irene Howat
TorchLighters Heroes of the Faith Series on DVD

Euge recently wrote about the call for Christian men to step up in their leadership at home and beyond. Since, I also happen to be preparing a similar topic for our monthly Mums and Bubs group, it seemed appropriate to make this my title. This issue is to address our responsibilities as women in our roles as wife and mother.

When we think of conflicts within our marriage or even in our going out stage, how do you generally picture the female? Do you picture her as the one doing a lot of talking and hand waving? Is she usually upset with the guy for something he did or didn’t do? Women, before we raise an issue we have with our husbands, we need to ask ourselves first 2 things:

1. ‘Should I even be raising this issue with him? Is it an area of godliness I need to address first within myself?’

2. ‘Am I going to frustrate him with what I am about to say, or challenge him in a godly manner?’

The bible gives us an example of how we should not behave as a wife and how we should behave as a wife.

How we SHOULD NOT behave.

¹⁵ A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day; (Proverbs 27:15)

Wives, we should not frustrate our husbands. We should not act in such a manner that drives our husbands away from the home. Your husband should be able to say to you constantly that no matter how frustrating work can be, he treasures the moment when he drives round the corner nearing home, thankful that he can come home to a safe haven. Your presence at home should be an environment where he can feel safe and be heard and understood. Some people would read this and say - this person is telling me to be a doormat. Well, no! On the contrary. I have addressed many ‘disappointments’ I have had of Euge a number of times - disappointments with regards to his commitments to the family, to the home maintenance and to his leadership in the home. These issues are not necessarily wrong in themselves to raise.  Done rightly, they convey the message to him that ‘I lean on him’ - its a godly pressure on him to step up. But, when I do raise these issues with Euge, the question is, how did I do it? Did I just frustrate him or did I challenge him in a godly way?

How we SHOULD behave.

Read Proverbs 31.

The world conveys the message that a female needs to be a super-woman, to be able to offer their husband the acquired qualities of cooking, cleaning and raising the children, even work part-time if necessary. Proverbs 31 is about a woman who recognises her abilities and utilises them in a God fearing way. She works hard and she brings honour to her husband. A man will look for a wife to love just for who she is and not what she can do for him. If he was, he would have just hired a cook and cleaner. Ladies, does your husband regularly embrace you and say ‘I love you’?. A husband who adores his wife will be proud of her for she demonstrates her passions and abilities in the way God created her. She’s enterprising and uses the gifts that God gives her in a worthy manner. She complements him, utilising and recognising the different roles that they have yet also knowing they are equal in God’s sight. She will be pure in heart, hard working, takes care of those in need, doesn’t give in to idleness or idle talk and loves her husband and children (Titus 2). She glorifies God and fears Him.

Please step down and allow your husband to step up

Here is an example. One friend who happens to be a father of 2 growing kids was telling me that they spend a lot of time, money and effort on giving their kids the best opportunities in life - in their education and more. Their kids attend mid-week sport lessons, music lessons and have extra tuition on the weekends. Despite all this, his wife will constantly worry when the kids are not studying hard enough or not getting the same opportunities as the other child down the road. My friend tells me that the root of the problem is that the women gather together (especially those with more time on their hands) and they talk, and they talk, and then they compare. Then his wife feels their child needs to keep up or they’ll lose out. So, she’ll go home and insist that he (husband) needs to pay for this and that. Now, this husband tells me that he’s done his research and found that giving his children certain opportunities may not necessarily mean they will get a desired outcome. It depends on a whole host of factors. But, this did not deter his wife and she will not listen. She says, she is the one who stays at home and so she knows whats best for their kids. She doesn’t step down and so the husband gives in - for the sake of peace. Mums, what message do you want to convey to your children as they grow up with regards to how they view your roles - as a wife and mother and as a husband and father? Your children will watch you in all your decision making - big and little.

Ladies, let me encourage you to consciously step down on certain things to allow your husbands to step up. It takes humility to bite our tongue and it takes courage, strength and trust in our Lord to allow our husbands to make certain decisions. Our world has not taught us this and never will.

(This article was prepared for the Gracepoint Monthly Mums and Bub Group.)

Resources I recommend:

For Husbands

- ‘Looking for Men to Step Up.‘ - an article by my husband, Eugene Hor

- ‘Father Time‘ by Daniel Petre.

For Wives

- Carolyn Mahaney talks from Sovereign Grace Ministries. Free mp3 downloads.

For Husbands and Wives

- ‘Biblical Manhood and Womanhood‘ talk by Dr. Wayne Grudem. Free mp3 download.

- ‘Safe Haven Marriage‘ by Archibald D. Hart

- Marriage Conferences

- ‘How To Get the Family You’ve Always Wanted’ by Martin Sanders